Seeking Help

So here I am, sitting at Gloria Jeans again, having their delicious Seafood Aglio Olio Spaghetti and yes, to answer your question, I've sat up residence here. The view is great, the food is delicious, the toilet's clean and friends drop by often. Ahah. Ah, man I wish. I just love it here, having a drink or some food, content with my solitude. The occasional company of a good book or a good friend is nice too.

I wanted to talk about therapy and relay my experience of what its like talking to a professional about my demons and dysfunctions. I began therapy with much skepticism. I spent the beginning of my first session sitting in the chair listening to her talk with this wry smile on my face. At least until she switched to asking me questions.

Before I knew it, I was spilling it all. Cunning, how they get you to talk without you realising that your inhibitions or defensive mechanisms are no longer a steel wall constructed high around you. I left the session, drained. I went home, hugged my sister and cried until I was numb. And that's what you should expect at first. The initial sessions are brutal, but only if you allow your therapist to get the answers she/he desires.

I suppose it takes a while to get used to having your brain picked. Having to face your demons and learn how to deal with them knocks the wind right out of you. The beginning was impossible. Especially without the medication to sustain me. But I kept going.

The hardest part was learning to deal with CPTSD, which is usually accompanied by sleep paralysis. Back then I wasn't able to sleep like I do now. (I'll get into that later.) I rarely slept back then. So it was me and my thoughts all through the night, until dawn, when I finally dosed off, exhausted... and managed to get a few hours of restless sleep.

Therapy teaches you how to cope. It teaches you tricks that would  interrupt and deviate destructive thoughts and behaviour. It teaches you how to coexist with your demons. Because your demons will always be in you. So what we can do is learn how to deal with them.

Three months after I started therapy, I finally managed to get an appointment with a Psychiatrist. Anti depressants and anti anxiety pills and therapy combined helped CPTSD greatly. I am no longer consumed by those thoughts. They do haunt me. But they don't consume me anymore.

In my earlier post, I mentioned that my therapy sessions were suspended. Unfortunate turn of events where last October my therapist had to move abroad. It hasn't been easy and I have been erratic for a while. But the year of consistent therapy had taught me skills that come in handy now. And I've just started seeing a new therapist at the Mental Health Center at IGMH. Fingers crossed.

So, those of you who are skeptical about shrinks, I hope I've convinced you or at least motivated you to seek therapy. As far as I know, the therapists at Institute for Mental Wellbeing are quite good. Yes. The fee is a huge factor. Therapy isn't exactly affordable. So I'll let you know about IGMH later. I hope this helps.