Yesterday's EMDR session taught me that although I know healing is not linear, I subconsciously expect the healing of every trauma to be a clear & straight path for me. Got me thinking about how & why I don't apply all that I preach to my own journey at times.
The expectations we place on ourselves to be better & do better is overwhelming & at times cruel. I prioritize my own healing above everything else now but even when I am being selfish to others, I still find myself being cruel to me. Quite a conundrum.
My therapist sees my internal struggle, between the part of me that wants to plough through it & heal and the part of me that rejects the need to delve into my past & the traumas they contain, become a physical thing & take form and reminds me to be kind to myself. To not expect my path to be a straight line. To not put a deadline on when I have to heal.
Some traumas are locked so deeply inside the maze that is our minds & it has so many dead ends that it makes you feel like you'll never find your way out.
But it's like she says. Not a straight path, no deadline & be kind. Healing is painful as hell. There's no glossing over it.
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